Hey, Everyone

Jared pretty much hit the nail on the head in his letter to me this week, but I want you to know why I haven’t written.  I have felt pretty down due to the fact that we have been working, but we haven’t had any success.  Every time that we have a speck of hope in the work, it just disappears.  Families came and left with a lot of promise but not for us to work with.  I really felt ashamed and scared that there was something wrong with me as District Leader and especially as Senior Companion.  But we kept working and my comp, Elder Garmendia was a huge pushing force in keeping us going, honestly.

Well..... The continued work has finally been paying off!  We have seen the blessings of our efforts this past week in a referral from a member that lives in Tijuana and came to visit family here. We are teaching the mother, a son and daughter, the family of that son AND the family of that daughter with a friend of the family thrown in there.

We have also re-established contact with Laura and her family of 7 daughters although we still have yet to meet the 7th.  We had 7 investigators in Sacrament meeting and an investigator, Paola, has a baptismal date for the 10th of March.  She wants to wait for her husband to be there.  He works in Mexico City and is already a member. We also reactivated his family and his little brother just became an Elder yesterday and is prepping his paperwork for his mission.  He will be the first in the family to serve.  There is another brother that is making plans to serve but is still too young.  We spend Mondays with them playing soccer and stuff.

I love you Mom.  Sorry to make you worry.  I just haven`t felt like facing my failure I guess. I do love you and I am here for you as well as the Lord.  :-)

Elder Heath

(Below is the letter from Colton's brother that he references in his letter.  I'm sure others will be able to identify with the emotions expressed by Jared.)

Hey, stud.

I’m assuming you haven’t written lately because, well, life sucks. You’re a leader and no one wants to follow, you feel the weight of your district—and possibly even the salvation of the people throughout the district—on your shoulders, and oh yeah, your companion sucks/sucked, too.

You’ve got, what, 10 months left? A little less? That sounds about right. When I was at this point in the mission, I was in a Mandarin area, but my Mandarin was so bad that I couldn’t even make phone calls. My French was fading fast. I could barely even speak English. Looking back, I think I probably should have talked to my president about how depressed I felt—and to this day, it was one of the darkest times I’ve ever had. But I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to complain.  I only felt comfortable enough with select few elders to disclose what I was going through. So I just held it in.

When I was zone leader, I had a companion who intentionally refused to cooperate. You don’t need to imagine how awful that was. I think you know about uncooperative companions first hand pretty well.

You see, Elder, I took myself and my work so seriously. I know how much the world needs the restored gospel of Jesus Christ— the real, living, quotidian example and power and authority and love found only in the covenants we make with our Savior and our Father in heaven. But looking back, I daresay that it was difficult to teach about the plan of happiness when I was so damn miserable (an intentional play on words).

If you’re miserable, then you’re miserable for all the right reasons, my dear younger brother.  The people aren’t listening, and you feel like it’s your fault. You are serving the Lord, and you feel like you are failing. But you need to know that it’s not your fault, and you aren’t failing. And the scriptures prove it.

Moroni was having a pretty awful time, too. He was praying and praying for the people to have charity, and he was teaching and exhorting them to repent, even as they suffering genocide at the hands of the Lamanites. 

In Ether 12: 34-38, the Lord tells him, in effect, not to worry about it.

Colton, you will be free of the blood and sins of this generation, because you are sacrificing for them. “If they have not charity, it mattereth not to thee. Thou hast been faithful.” (Ether 12:34-38)

But if possible, I recommend you find some pursuit to help you lighten up. Anything (within reason). Get that souvenir you just can’t justify buying. Find a park, and walk in it. Lay down in the sun. Or go to the church building and shoot some hoops to let off some of the tension if you’ve been tracting for (way) too long.

It’s the plan of happiness! Find a way to be happy. I know you want to convey the gravity and intensity of the Atonement to these people, but don’t let the gravity drag you down. I’m not lecturing, dude. I’ve been there. This is my greatest regret as a missionary, and I don’t want you to repeat it. Please learn from my misplaced intentions, however good they may have been.

And if you’ve just got to punch your companion in the face . . . well, don’t do that. But maybe try some push-ups. J

I love you, Colton. I’m proud of the work you’re doing. Find a way to keep going, and I promise you’ll make it through. And when you’re crying your eyes out in the airport this November, I want with all my heart for your tears to be of joy and happiness that you have fought the good fight rather than tears of regret, wonder, and worry about what you have just done.

You don’t need to wonder if it’s enough. It is.  Cheers,

J